Why my life sucks, and why it totally and utterly doesn’t.

I’m not sure that it was a good idea to have the glass of red before writing this post, but anyway – we’ll see how we go.

Here are some of the reasons that my life sucks:

1. I spent almost ten years of my life essentially in captivity, controlled by someone who hit me and hurt  me.

2. I have post-traumatic stress disorder.

3. I flinch whenever someone touches me or makes a noise from behind, or whenever I see something close in my peripheral vision.

4. I get panic attacks and flashbacks for no apparent reason. And nightmares.

And here are some of the myriad of reasons that my life totally doesn’t suck:

1. I have wonderful, loving, giving, supportive friends who for some reason like me, who show me love and allow me  to show them love.

2. Every weekend, I get to sing amazing music. I get to be a part of something beautiful, something greater than myself. I get to be part of this music’s history and I get to help be a part of something that brings joy to the people who worship at the Cathedral. And I get to do it in my spiritual home, my place of safety, and I get to do it with my friends.

3. I have survived what I’ve been through and I am surviving PTSD and panic attacks and flashbacks and nightmares. I’m more than surviving. I’m healing and continuing the process of reclaiming my life. I’m blossoming.

4. I am surrounded every day by the beauty of creation, by the bustling peace of the river and port, by the stark beauty of the coastline and the eternity of the ocean, and by the lushness of bushland.

5. I can walk and run and think and dance, and I can sing, and I have a body that’s healthy and a mind that’s capable of healing.

6. I have money in the bank and food in the fridge and spare change in a box on my bookshelf, and I haven’t yet had to worry about where the next meal is coming from. This makes me luckier than (I think) ninety-nine per cent of the world’s population.

7. When the election is called I can walk up to a polling booth and vote unmolested. No one will ever try to take my democratic right and responsibility away from me.

8. I can go to a church, or a mosque, or a synagogue, or attend an inter-faith gathering, and it will never cross my mind that someone might walk in with a bomb strapped to their chest.

9. I live in a country where health care is pretty much universally accessible (unless you’re an asylum seeker – of which I am profoundly ashamed) and in which I can access all the resources I need for my emotional and mental and spiritual recovery. Also just if I get the flu.

10. I am still breathing. I will wake up tomorrow and be grateful for my life.

So all in all, my life totally doesn’t suck. All in all, I am deeply grateful.



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